I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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