I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
