I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just found puke in my bra..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
