At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
