My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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