What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
