wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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