i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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