Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
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How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
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You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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