I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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