He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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