Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
