I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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