I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
