You're earring is so big in my mouth
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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