dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
