I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
