you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
