My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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