Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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