So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
