After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
