What a fucking waste of an outfit
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
