I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize