His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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