He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
