Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
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i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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