Cold hands, warm shart.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize