Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
