So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
