do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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