how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I won't apologize to a one balled man
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
