Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
