Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Randomize
