what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
