You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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