she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
