john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
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This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
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Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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