Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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