You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
