So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
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I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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