Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
two words: eviction party
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
