My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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