Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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