As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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