the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Such a big mess for such a small penis
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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