saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
