he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize