Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
