I am puke
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
foreskin is a definite game changer
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
