I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
