I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
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He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
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Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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