The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
