She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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