I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
