dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
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You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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