i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
whose parrot is this?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
