i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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