Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
