His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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