thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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