So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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