he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
