So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
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But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
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I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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