I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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