how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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