You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just high enough for therapy.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
