you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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