my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
