I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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