who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
