i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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