Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
