i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Can you bring me the toilet please
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
