$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Jerry, you need to find god
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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