just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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