There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
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I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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