i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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