Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
