At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
