I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
