He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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