he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
