He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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