Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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