Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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