Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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