He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
