that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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