This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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