Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
