pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
