I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
