my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
